We all give advice and we all get advice, but does anybody every really want advice? Mother’s especially seem to be able to give advice at will without ever thinking how they may be making someone else feel.
But, is it on the giver to give their advice in a way that makes it easy for the receiver? Or is it on the receiver to filter the advice being given? Let’s talk about advice today.
Advice Who Needs It?
Everyone has advice, everyone needs advice from time to time, but, advice is not always taken in the way it’s intended, sometimes the problem is in the delivery. Some people are pushy with it and some people, not so much.
When I was a first time Mom, my Mother-In-Law was… well, pushy is a nice word. She could not understand why I wanted to nurse my baby, why I wanted to wait to feed her table food, why I wanted to use cloth diapers, why I did anything! I mean it was bad.
One day my Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law ganged up on me and I got my nerve up to tell them this was my child, they had already raised theirs the way they wanted to and now I would raise mine the way I wanted to (I guess I should also mention that the bags were packed and we were 20 minutes from moving to another state forever when I finally spoke up…).
But, I am older and wiser now (I hope) and looking back I should have done it sooner and in a more cordial way.
Today I tell all young Mothers and Moms-to-be the same thing:
“You’ll get a ton of advice. Take what you like and throw out the rest – even from me!”.
I truly mean that, there are as many theories on anything as there are people living. Advice isn’t a bad thing to receive, sometimes it’s all good, or partially good, but, one thing I have found is the advice that resonates with you and you feel good about, that’s usually the advice for you. The rest is, well… “noise”.
Listen, be nice, and reply with something like “Thanks, I’ll think about that”, or “I’ll ask my Dr. about that”. then (as they say), keep it moving. No need to bog down in drama and fighting and rethinking how it was said or what their “real” intentions were. It’s your life, do it your way and be happy about it.
Trust me, you have given unwanted advice, and your advice has not always been heeded, and that’s ok, just like it’s ok for you to not take advice or take parts of advice and not all. I try very hard to not given unwanted advice… I don’t think I do a good job of not giving it, though, lol! Maybe that’s why I am here, sharing my advice (which is what I am doing now 🙂 ) with you!
People who offer advice do it because they have “been there and done that”, but, we all know all situations are different just like all pregnancies and kids are different, so I do believe most advice is well intentioned.
I guess in answer to the question Advice, Who Needs It? – we all need advice from time to time, even unwanted advice, but, it’s how we handle the delivery and how we receive it that really counts.
Just remember what I said “You’ll get a ton of advice. Take what you like and throw out the rest – even from me!”.